


The Spark

by Levefre



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levefre/pseuds/Levefre
Summary: Gordon doesn't take his arrival to City 17 and Earth under Combine control very well and struggles with mental trauma and severe guilt surrounding the events of the Black Mesa incident. Once again it's up to his best friend, Barney Calhoun, to try and set things right and make up for the twenty years without him.I had this scene in my head for the last few days after a recent play through of Half-Life 2 and I figured it was finally time to get it down into words. I wanted to capture an alternative beginning to the game where Gordon isn't ready to accept things for how they are, still struggling with all he'd been through in the last game. Following the success of my other piece, I hope this is just as entertaining, if a little more somber. Enjoy!
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Kudos: 32





	The Spark

Gordon stared up at the grey, smoggy sky, barely seeing the sun peeking through the clouds. The grand, pillar-like structure made from sharp metal shards dominated the skyline; the Citadel overshadowing even the tallest of concrete apartment blocks. What glares managed to reach it bathed it in cobalt sheen, only enhancing its alien appearance.

Sirens echoed now and then, helicopters flew overhead, trains rattled over tracks and a woman’s monotone, inhuman voice announced various orders and status updates. There was no traffic, no sign of human life.

It didn’t feel like a city. It felt like a prison.

He was struggling to comprehend his situation. Everything had hit him all at once and he was being expected to accept it and continue on; once again being thrust into a struggle he never asked for. From being in New Mexico, which for Gordon was only mere minutes ago, to suddenly being somewhere in Europe twenty years into a grim, miserable future and with no rest in-between then and now, how could anyone be surprised by his reaction?

Before he’d stepped into that portal, hardly trusting the words of that... Man in a suit, he’d made his peace and said his goodbyes. He never expected to wake again when the darkness took him and made him drowsy. Peace at last. Eternal respite.

It wasn’t meant to be.

Gordon plucked the glasses from his face and pinched the bridge of his nose, wincing as a headache sharpened to an unforgiving migraine. Too many thoughts, too many questions, too many emotions... All of them were fighting for attention.

He heard the door behind him and slow steps on concrete. He didn’t look. His visitor came to a stop next to him and he felt the rail he was leaning on shift slightly.

“I’m gonna guess the reunion didn’t go so well...” Barney muttered, though his tone was still light.

“Not really...” Gordon responded, placing his glasses back on and pushing them up his nose.

Barney watched the Citadel idly, arms resting on the rail. Gordon glanced at him, finally seeing him better now he wasn’t in that dimly lit room.

He looked tired, rough and unshaven, greying strands throughout his dark hair, with one prominent streak which curled to one side. Though they had hardly spoken to each other, he could tell just by his appearance alone that he was a shadow of the enthusiastic, jovial young man he’d been so close to all that time ago.

Perhaps he wasn’t much different. Physically he hadn’t changed at all, but mentally? He wasn’t the same. He would never be the same.

There was awkward silence, until Barney finally spoke again.

“Ugly, ain’t it?”

Gordon looked back up at the tower.

“They make ‘em so big so you can always see ‘em. So you always know who’s in charge. Wherever you go, the Citadel watches. This one’s more important, though. Nothing like having your old boss being the appointed ambassador of Earth and have him sit in that very tower, knowing what goes on down here.”

“How did Breen even do it?”

“No idea. Can only guess he wormed his way through after Black Mesa, pulled some strings. The guy’s as slippery as an eel and just as slimy. People saw him as a hero at first, the ‘saviour of humanity’. Then things changed, slowly. Every right and freedom we had taken away, he was there to defend it and make excuses. Now he’s more Combine than human. We’re all just drones for the cause.”

Barney sighed.

“... I’m glad you weren’t around to see any of it.”

Lowering his gaze, Gordon swallowed dryly. He nervously rubbed the hem of his overalls’ sleeves with his fingers, waiting for the inevitable question.

“What happened, Gordon? Where have you been all this time?”

“I... I don’t... I don’t know...” He said softly, meekly. He doubted anyone would believe him even if he tried to explain, so he chose not to. It wasn’t exactly a lie.

“I can’t... Remember anything.”

“I guess it’s true, then. Kleiner said the portal storms did do that to people who were lucky enough to come back. He spoke a lot of big words and confusing science-stuff, but apparently the trauma can trigger amnesia.”

Gordon nodded, figuring that was the easiest explanation and wanted to leave it at that. As for the rest, he couldn’t handle opening that vault of nightmares right now. He was bad enough already.

“I didn’t...” Barney started, catching himself as he frowned.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I thought...”

He swept a gloved hand through his hair, the leather of his uniform creaking. Still remembering the mannerisms, Gordon knew he was upset and his chest tightened out of anxiousness.

“We had a funeral. I didn’t want to do it, but if we didn’t I would have waited in that desert until I was wiped out along with the facility. It was the only way I could let go. The others... They struggled as much as I did; Kleiner didn’t talk for days. Eli was... Never the same. He’d lost his wife as well as you. They needed me to look after them, so I did. I’ve done everything to keep my promise.”

He glanced at the clothes he wore, making a face.

“Everything.”

Gordon covered his mouth with his hand, watching the floor. He grimaced, fighting to hold back his emotions. He’d missed so much and his friends had been left behind to deal with the aftermath, suffering and picking up the pieces. What had they sacrificed over the years? How had they survived in a very different world to the one he left behind?

What about their families? Their homes? What about _his_?

Were they reduced to rubble and bones, too?

Barney raised his gaze, noticing Gordon’s sudden silence and blinked as he stood properly. He didn’t restrain himself, seeing his state and moved to embrace him tightly.

“Hey... Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He spoke softly, resting a gloved hand on the back of his head, closing his eyes in barely held composure.

The warmth of his touch delivered the comfort he so desperately needed, inviting him to let go. So he did. He burst into tears, clinging to him.

That entire trauma and all of the sorrow and guilt, which had forced him to accept not only his own death, but those he loved, had played so heavily with his heart and his mind. It was their memory that spurred him on to the end, in the belief he would see them again in another reality.

But it hadn’t stopped there. Despite his efforts, an even worse enemy had found them. Was it all truly so hopeless, or was this part of the plan?

“I’m here, Gordon... And I ain’t leaving you again. I promise.”

Barney struggled to speak, tears rolling down his face. He had always believed that his best friend wasn’t dead and he clung to that to keep himself sane. When Kleiner found the HEV, ruined and bloody, it was the first time in a long time he felt hope. Sure, it was unexplained and it didn’t make any damn sense, but he was living in an impossible world; the unusual was normal now.

But none of that mattered, not to him. Gordon was right here, in his arms, living and breathing.

That was all he needed to know.

“I... I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...” Gordon whispered through his cries.

“You got nothing to be sorry for.”

“All of this... All of this is my fault...”

Barney pulled back and placed his hands on Gordon’s shoulders, looking at him. The physicist kept his head low, as though ashamed. He moved a finger and thumb under his chin and gently angled it up, persuading him to meet his eyes. Glassy green hues looked back, lacking the lively inquisitiveness he’d come to love. He just saw pain.

Leaning close, he kissed him softly and it was returned just as tenderly. He spoke near his lips and the pair shared warm breath that made the sensitive skin tingle.

“I waited twenty years to see you again, Gordon... And I didn’t do that so I could blame you.”

He leant his forehead against his, just enjoying being in his presence as if he were the sun instead of the one stuck behind the grey wash above them.

“None of this is your fault... If you didn’t do what you did, things would have been a whole lot worse. There wouldn’t have been an Earth to come back to. Ask any of the rebels out there, ask Eli, Alyx, Kleiner; they fight because you gave them the chance. You gave them hope.”

“Hope...?”

“Yeah. Even in a time like this, when everything seems so helpless, they cling to hope. It lets them sleep at night, gets them through the day and makes all the shit worth it. You’re the spark, keeping it all alive. When that suit of yours turned up, it was a sign. Things have been in motion ever since.”

Gordon, struggling to accept the idea of being seen as a hero and certainly not feeling like one, wasn’t about to ask about the HEV’s mysterious arrival. No doubt it was delivered by the same man who took it from him, or placed somewhere for Kleiner to ‘conveniently’ find it.

His eyes glanced up to Barney’s face, still wet from tears and his glasses faintly marked with droplets. He looked younger again, somehow, rejuvenated and not a haggard, middle-aged man.

Suddenly, they were back in Black Mesa, surrounded by friends and co-workers he knew were long gone. The drab, denim overalls were replaced by his lab coat and Barney was in his uniform. Everyone was happy and smiling.

“I missed you so much...” Barney whispered, his voice shorting out.

Gordon closed his eyes, whispering back.

“I missed you, too...”

He felt a gloved hand rest upon his cheek and he held it gently, rubbing his thumb over the leather in small strokes.

“No matter what happens now, win or lose... I just want you to be here with me.”

Lips touched his and he leant into the kiss. His other hand rose to cup the arch of his neck, whilst he felt his partner’s touch settle on the small of his back, bringing their bodies closer together. The two paused to take a breath, before kissing much more deeply.

Both teary eyed, feeling a kaleidoscope of emotions, their moment of weakness remained undisturbed. The Citadel, City 17 and the strife the world was under was forgotten. After being so cold for so long, after both being so broken, this was relief. This was something no scientist could ever describe in words, or Combine could destroy. It was pure.

It was love.

Gordon opened his eyes and the world had returned to normal. Black Mesa was no longer there but Barney retained a youthful, more alive glow to his face; seen more easily when his eyelids rose. Chestnut hues, longing, watched him and he got lost within them.

Neither registered going back inside the building, completely forgetting how they got there. They ended up in the makeshift bedroom Barney called his own.

No sooner as the door was locked, Barney embraced Gordon and kissed him deeply, smoothing a hand over the back of his neck. Mirroring the motion, the kiss was returned and Gordon felt both hands grip him with a rising, primal need. With one on his shoulder and the other under his arm, he was swept off his feet in an abrupt turn and his back pressed into the wall; feeling the other’s body close to him.

Initially a little surprised by the bump and letting out a quiet gasp, he couldn’t help but appreciate the forwardness. Some things never changed. Gordon’s hands held the back of his partner’s neck as they kissed again.

Moaning softly, unable to hold himself back from his lustful urges – something he hadn’t felt with such intensity since that one time in the dormitory – Barney tugged off his gloves and tore away at his uniform in the midst of touches and kisses, shrugging off whatever was loose enough. Pieces of clothing littered the floor but he didn’t give a damn; he was glad to be rid of that cumbersome shell, that wasn’t who he was. It was a necessity, nothing more.

Leaving his bottom half for the interim, he unbuttoned the denim shirt and helped Gordon take it off – tossing it aside. He wasn’t going to need _that_ anymore. He allowed him to take the white t-shirt underneath off himself, interrupting him with nips and kisses on his neck and enticing him with light trails of his fingertips. The teasing got the intended response, a grin forming on the younger man’s face.

It was the first happy expression he had seen – a genuine one – since his return. To see it again gave him immense joy and he grinned back.

Wrapping his arms around his neck, Gordon leant his forehead against Barney’s and the two stayed that way in each other’s company for an undetermined amount of time. The kissing began again, neck, lips and other sensitive spots being tested.

He unbuckled his belt and tugged it loose, then did the same to his partner’s, but didn’t try to remove them just yet. With one hand cupping his cheek, fingertips traced the scientists’ jaw and slowly trailed down his chest, feeling the heat from his skin. Surprisingly, he had not a single mark upon him, a completely different state to how he left him.

As curious as he was to his friend’s journey, it wasn’t the right time or place to ask. They had a lot to catch up on; there was no denying that fact, though recovery, healing and comfort came first.

He stopped just below his stomach, idly making swirling motions to garner expectation and excitement.

Meanwhile Gordon’s own hands were busy; one trailing over his lower back and the other mapping out areas of his neck, hairline and face. He felt particular attention drawn to the scar over his cheekbone, but that was a story for another day.

Breathing picked up in pace, both men fully enraptured in one another. The kisses became a little firmer, deeper, and more passionate. Beads of sweat formed on their brows, hair becoming damp from the temperature shared between them.

Fingers disappeared into clothing and a sharp gasp from the physicist was muffled by lips, rolling into a moan. He clung to him, being propped up by his knee and sinking against the wall. Grazes and touches made him shiver and involuntarily flinch – electrical jolts of rapture attacking his nerves. He gasped, panting and Barney didn’t interrupt it this time, furthering his pleasure with light pecks instead.

“A-ah... Ahh...”

Spurred on by the sounds of enjoyment, his motions continued and his arousal only increased in doing so.

“Ah – ah-mmh...”

He shared the moan of delight with him, kissing him softly and rubbing his thumb over his jaw. If this was a cruel dream conjured by the Combine or his own trauma, he didn’t want to wake up. He felt whole again, like the light of his life had come back after being lost in the darkness.

Under their new masters, happiness was a fleeting feeling and a distant memory for many. Even with all the other successes he’d been involved in – helping citizens whilst undercover, mapping out patrol routes and carefully sidestepping beatings – it never lasted.

This, he felt, could last forever.

His hand stopped its relentless teasing and he instead lifted Gordon up, who clung to him mid-kiss. A quick turn and he lowered him down onto the mattress, landing on top of him. In a flurry of heightened eagerness, shoes came off, boots followed, pants from both parties were flung to the far side of the room and underwear was the last to go.

Finally free from clothing, the two intertwined, skin touching skin setting their nerves alight. Hands explored, grazed and grabbed. Gasps, cries, moans and groans filled the small space but there was an effort made to be quiet, lest they be disturbed.

Glasses removed and put out of the way, Gordon gave as good as he got – fully intending to pleasure the man he’d missed so very dearly. Instinct guided him, not needing to see during such intimacy.

There was so much he wanted to know, so much he needed to see and so many things he had to understand. His whirlwind of thoughts would perhaps make a comeback after this no doubt, but for now, there was blissful silence.

The only certainty was that he wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

Heavy panting was exchanged in close proximity as the pushing commenced. Writhing under him, Gordon wrapped an arm around the other man’s shoulder and gasped next to his ear, legs moving of their own accord via a series of jerks and jolts.

“D-don’t stop...” He uttered, words manipulated by lust.

“Thought never... Crossed my mind...” Barney chuckled breathlessly, cutting off a loud moan he caused with a deep, reassuring kiss.

The grasp below returned and he tilted his head back, biting his lip to avoid crying out too loudly. He sank into a delirium of euphoria, offering pecks and nips of gratitude. His reward was firmer pushes, only encouraging the actions of the man on top of him.

Increasing the tempo, Barney groaned and Gordon drank it in as their lips met once more. He nipped at his bottom lip gently when it ended, grinning slyly and stopping his teasing on purpose – keeping his hand near so as to prolong his desire. He very lightly grazed and then stopped, making him yearn for it. Flushed, the younger man mewled and he finally gave in, taking hold again and swirling his thumb.

“Ahhh...”

“Heh...”

Toes curling, they dragged along the mattress, Gordon’s body rising and falling to the rhythm with the occasional jerk of the pushing. A torrent of shudders rippled over his muscles, stimulating them and delivering small shocks of delight. Meanwhile, those very ripples thrilled his partner, needing to pause briefly mid-thrust as he gasped sharply, face feverish.

Overcome by want, he went deeper and muffled the cries in response with his mouth. Shaking hands ran over his chest, shoulders, back and neck, moist skin only conducting the electric flow. The fidgeting became more frequent, a sign that Gordon was struggling to contain himself, but he wasn’t about to stop.

His grasp firmer and his thumb dragging, he pushed the scientist towards his limit. He felt his arms wrap around him, his face burying into his shoulder as he quivered. He kissed at his neck, thrusting his hips. They were going past the point of no return.

“Nnh! Gh! A-ah!”

“Hah – haaah...”

The pushes got harsher but nonetheless just as satisfying. Gordon tilted his head back and he silently begged for release. Pain rolled into pleasure, adding fuel to the fire that was their forms. Breaths got heavier and faster than ever. A strong plunge made the two jolt and it started a chain reaction.

Like a tidal wave, it overwhelmed them both and cries of delectation erupted along with the soaring climax. A quake of rapture took them far away, into a world all their own, where only they existed and nothing was of consequence. It was never ending.

Well, almost.

Hugging each other, they gradually came back down to earth, completely drunk. Breathless and shivering, little twinges of bliss danced over their bodies.

Being careful to not break the embrace, Barney adjusted his position so to let them both recuperate and relax. He tiredly kissed the gasping Gordon, exhausted from his exploits both on shift and off and the young scientist appeared content to stay where he was, to drift along with him.

He was lucky that they had some time to kill, before the work was to start. That is if Gordon was even willing to.

As he glanced to the matted, damp-haired man, breathing softly in his arms – seeing the spark that he spoke of earlier fully return, making him look whole and alive again – he had a feeling that he knew what the answer would be.

_I love you..._


End file.
